Hours without gambling – 22

TLDR: Finally muster the courage or motivation to do the regrets page. What is the regrets page you say? Basically, I logged into one of my gambling provider’s site, and I did a search of how much money I have deposited from the start of the year until now (It is not early Aug). The losses were shocking, I cannot even believe it. Let’s just take a look at one of the account I started on the 19th June and below was me penning down my thoughts.

Thoughts:

Actually there was this one day that I won almost $90k SGD from a $2k deposit. In fact, it is a boon rather than a bane for casinos to actually let you win big. I cannot even remember how I won so big, because I was half drunk when that happened. I only remembered early in the morning when I woke up and became sober, I had 80k in my account, and the last recollection was me depositing 2k. Somehow or rather, I managed to withdraw a total of about 42k from the account. Seems awesome, even after which the rush from depositing always revolves around this, depositing 2k to win 90k. I was going to make it happen again.

Finally did the sums and realized that the final amount I have “lost back” ever since is 84,500, which means, I am still down $42k. So, playing the movie to the end. This is what happens, I see the win, depositing and winning a couple of hundreds or thousands, but the losses slowly creep in. Think about the feeling of winning 42k, and then think about the feeling of losing 42k, every deposit is moving me towards losing and losing up to the $42k mark. There is no momentum, there is no strategy, you cannot beat the house. So play the movie to the end…